Self-Care & Rest: A Movement We Talk About But Know Nothing About
In the last two days, I’ve watched documentaries on Netflix about Miles Davis and Quincy Jones. I saw them both struggle with addiction, have unhealthy lifestyles, imbalanced family structures, and eventually burned out to the detriment of their health. Witnessing this and reflecting on my own present healing journey made the dire importance of self-care finally, truly resonate with me. It’s easy to be indifferent or even jaded when we hear about self-care because it’s such a hot topic right now, becoming annoying after hearing about it so much. It’s oversaturated in the market due to capitalism — not because corporations truly believe in this concept or care about humanity. If they did, we’d have paid mental health days, wellness stipends, shorter workdays and weeks, more vacation time, longer maternity and paternity leave, etc. I get it. I’m with you. So, that’s why I’m here to discuss self-care, specifically rest: what it can look like, what it isn’t, and its importance for not only you but for your whole bloodline.
Rest is a type of self-care. But what the hell is rest? We live in a society in which we took our work home with us before we needed to due to the pandemic. We live in a world where we neglect our family and health to attain a certain level of success or money. I bet the very people marketing about self-care are overworking themselves to spread this gospel. I’m a product of this society.
I cried a few days ago over my guilt of not truly resting when I know that this is my current divine assignment. I’ll save the deep dive of why I’m supposed to be resting right now for my (not so distant) future memoir. In short, I’m going through major emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical changes right now. I was on FaceTime with a friend from undergrad sobbing because he made me realize that I’m not resting correctly. I thought if I wasn’t working, I was technically resting. Wrong! I could feel the truth of this in my fatigued body, my weary spirit, and my wandering mind as I tried to busy myself with a soft schedule of exercise, journaling, meditation, yoga, reading, cooking, cleaning, and other activities that are technically self-care.
“What am I doing wrong?” I thought aloud. Well, I wasn’t following what my spirit and body wanted, going with the flow on a day-to-day and case-by-case basis. I was making myself feel bad for being less productive than I’m used to being. I was still forcing myself to feel productive with self-care tasks.
“I don’t know what rest is!” I yelled in frustration and a face full of tears. “What the fuck is that even?” I asked my friend.
Well, It’s absolutely and firstly being gentle with oneself. It’s not my fault that I don’t know what rest looks like. That’s why self-care is a current hot topic and can be commercialized right now because it really is a fresh idea. That’s why we have whole social media accounts, businesses, new products, and jobs dedicated to wellness such as @TheNapMinistry. We discussed how this is a new concept for most of our generation (Millennials). It wasn’t exhibited by our parents or the generation before us. Look at Davis and Jones. They worked themselves ragged until they wound up in the hospital. They coped the best way they could, leading to substance abuse. It’s difficult to maintain good health and, especially, to reverse the damage that’s already been done when you haven’t been consistently practicing self-care. But it’s not their fault either. They didn’t know about the importance of rest either. They weren’t shown examples of that from the previous generation either. Plus, they had to fight nonstop for their place in this world, like so many of our parents had to. Gratefully they did, giving the next generation the luxury and privilege to break generational patterns and discover what self-care is. Now, we’re healing our bloodlines. We’re resting on behalf of our ancestors.
So, what is rest?
My friend didn’t answer that question directly. I see it’s for me to figure out, as it’s for everyone to figure out for themselves. But he did say it was choosing to be happy.
He said it could even be doing absolutely nothing, which is a concept that my first Barbadian friend and fellow Medium writer introduced me to in the Winter of 2020. I didn’t know that this was such divine wisdom he was trying to impart on me at the time. I should’ve known. This dude has given TEDx Talks! Did you think I was going to say, “I should’ve known because he is from an island.”? Nope! Living in, visiting, or being from a tropical island doesn’t mean you automatically know what self-care is, how to rest, or that you ever have the opportunity to get proper rest. That’s something I also discovered while living in Barbados for nine months. That’s something else I’ll save for the memoir because I have a LOT to say about this.
I tossed around some ideas about rest with my college buddy. I talked about how I was enjoying listening to jazz as I showered. That was something, right? He suggested I take it a bit further by dimming the lights and lighting a candle for a more satisfying shower experience.
I thought of how I could maybe listen to jazz while I stared up at the clouds. He said, “or just while staring at the ceiling in your room.” His idea was better because it’s too cold outside right now to be cloud-watching.
He also suggested that I just put on some music and dance — something I had already been telling myself to do more of to raise my vibrations. It’s a tested and proven method of joy for me because I LOVE to dance!
During this existential crisis and breakdown, he laughed about how I basically had a whole monologue while venting. “You need a column,” he said. “Ha! I sort of have one on Medium,” I told him. “I do need to write more again and without researching anything — just free write.” There’s a difference between writing that feels like working and writing that feels like resting. It’s like that while writing poetry too. Sometimes you may self-edit a lot or try to follow specific rhyme schemes, but freestyling poetry with no structure is resting for me.
So, here I am writing because this is what brings me joy and allows my mind to rest since I have a lot of thoughts running around anyway. This is what the rest of my day of rest looked like: This morning, I took a shower by candlelight while listening to trap music before dawn. Singing and rapping while exfoliating felt good for me. Then, I did a yoga session via YouTube and cried during the hip openers. I felt cleansed and open for further renewal. Before that, I meditated with a face mask on. Honestly, that felt a little forced because I was hungry by this time, my clay mask was hardening faster than my breathwork, and my legs and feet tend to go numb after a while of sitting cross-legged. But that’s OK. It’s something I wanted to do and that felt relaxing in the end. Later, I cooked a bomb-ass vegan meal. I didn’t eat it right after because I was full from the cooking fumes, but I was satisfied and impressed with my kitchen skills. I followed that up with reading Jonathan Van Ness’ memoir, and that led me into a delicious nap. Refreshed, I finally ate. Now energized, I watched another Netflix documentary (which I’ll mention in another blog later). Now, I’m finishing my day with blogging.
I’m still doing things I know fall under self-care, but it’s in no specific order and nothing is a must-do on my list (besides meditation).
Rest is a journey in itself, especially for the current young generations. I’m still figuring it out. I invite you to rest with me the rest of the way on this voyage of rest. Or don’t. Do nothing. But that’s still resting, isn’t it?
