The Collective Isn’t Working Together: It’s the Selfishness & Jealousy for Me
By Intisar Seraaj
I literally just began reading a book called “Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?” I think the topic is obvious and quite intriguing for those of us who are (or are becoming) self-aware or feeling (or have ever felt) you can’t be completely who you are in all spaces. Ever hear of “code-switching?” Most of us do it. Think about how you’d act in a bank to conduct your financial business versus how you’d act at a concert for your favorite band versus how you’d act at a kid’s soccer game. Different spaces and occasions call for different energies — and don’t get me started on examples of code-switching when interacting with different genders, cultures, and religions.
Anyway, the very first sentence of this book has me pausing reading to write this blog. “How beautiful, how grand and liberating this experience is, when people help each other.” Damnit! That hit me “right in the feels!” I perceived this statement in two ways: 1) Life is so much more enjoyable and pleasant when we’re using our energy, time, love, etc. to uplift others. It feels good to give, and you reap what you sow. Plus, it’s about the collective, not the individual, which moves me to my next take on this sentence: 2) Life could be so much easier for everyone if only we assisted each other with what we know.
Sounds like an easy concept, similar to notions like “each one teach one” and “pull the next one up.” If we really did this, we could have generational wealth and multigenerational joy. We’d be advancing like our ancestors were in ancient Mali and ancient Egypt. I would place a parenthesis-enclosed side note within that last sentence that said “for their time periods, compared to modern advancements.” However, those societies accomplished things that we still can’t repeat and recycle — because we’re not working together and passing on knowledge while we can. We are plagued with poisons: jealousy and selfishness. This is why we can’t beat the coronavirus in the U.S. This is why families are distraught at funerals since their aunty never wrote down her recipes. This is why some of us are stuck in poverty generation after generation.
As they say, “It be ya own friends.” (For the sake of this conversation, “friends” include your family, lovers, and actual friends — anyone close to you.) “It be ya own friends” out here not wearing masks like they’re supposed to, then intermingling with you and their family. “It be ya own friends” who’re jealous of you because they may know what you’ve been through but they won’t ever truly understand — or they could just be frenemies. “It be ya own friends” who are selfish and want to see you struggle just as much or in the same way as they had to before you can succeed or before your achievements are valid or deserved.
It’s crazy to me! Why are we so concerned with other people’s journeys and successes? “The sky is large enough for all the stars to shine;” Abundance is infinite. Plus, everybody experiences hardship. That’s how life is designed. That’s how we grow stronger. But someone else’s adversity won’t look like your adversity, and that’s OK. Just “worry about yourself.” If we minded our own business, sharing information to deliberately help others, would elevate the whole collective. But people are living in a scarcity mindset. They’re fearful of if Jane Doe has what they want, there’s not enough for them too. But there is!
Then there are also issues with some of the older generation where they’re also coming off low-key jealous. They’ll say things like, “You don’t know nothin’ ‘bout [insert traumatic experience of your inner child feeling unsafe].” Naw, we don’t! But they should be happy about that because they fought to leave a better world for future generations. Right? However, that pure intention sometimes can get murky and then lost. Cue in the jealousy. They’ll try to invalidate your struggles just because they’re not as gruesome or insane as theirs were. Although, we should be concerned about the emotional impact of trauma since ours include the trauma we’re still having to unpack and heal from via previous generations. But if we’re here to help each other and continuously improve the world for our descendants, then we should want for and be joyous when our progenies have it better off than we did, right? They’ll still go through strengthening trials, but they’ll look dissimilar to our experiences and may be distinctive for their time period. And that’s OK because that’s their business. Let’s be concerned with the welfare of the collective by helping each other. Imagine what we could accomplish together and without tripping each other up or tearing each other down.
